City
by bubblebuttsbabe
Summary: She chose the love of her life, leaving everything else behind her. But when her life becomes everything she hopes – it isn’t enough. Who will she be able to hold onto? Post Season 4. One-shot. Song-fic.


**A/N**: I began writing this on Father's day last year and I finally finished it a couple days ago. It didn't turn out exactly like I had planned, but that's okay. Oh and it's a post Season 4 one-shot. I think that's all you need to know. :]

**Summary: **She chose the love of her life, leaving everything else behind her. But when her life becomes everything she hopes – it isn't enough. Who will she be able to hold onto? One shot song-fic.

**Disclaimer: **Since this is a one shot, I'm not giving the song information until the end. Cause that would be too easy. ;D But know that I don't own any of this, as usual.

**THANKS MUCHO!**

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**CITY**

She left knowing her life could only get better.

And it had. Tremendously.

She had a contract – where she was calling the shots. A label that cared about her musicianship – rather than if her album was on the Top 100. A producer who knew how to create beautiful music with her – and nothing else. A career built upon the virtue of great music – with hardly any paparazzi interruption. A group of friends that loved her for who she was now – not before. And a city that had welcomed her with open arms – letting her leave her past across the Atlantic Ocean.

So when she had the opportunity to take a slot at the legendary 93 Feet East every Saturday night, she took it.

She had reveled in the indie feel, knowing she was at home on the small outdoor stage; just a guitar, a drummer, and a voice. Her voice.

But on one particular Saturday night, a year after she had left, something was off. She had been late, rushing to get onstage to purify her mind of the bad 7-hour recording session she had had that day.

She thought the music would take her away, like it usually did. Let her get all her frustrations out and then she'd be fine. Okay. Happy.

But as she situated herself better on the old, rotting bar stool that always sat on top of the stage, she had a sinking feeling the night wasn't going to get any better.

And she had been right.

_There's a harvest each Saturday night  
At the bars filled with perfume and hitching a ride  
A place you can stand for one night and get gone_

She scooted closer to the microphone, the stool screeching across the stage, wood on wood, a horrible sound echoing through the bar.

A few loud groans sounded and Jude apologetically smiled. "Sorry," she whispered into the microphone.

A cool breeze blew through the air, sending a chill up Jude's spine as she settled on tuning her guitar. She blew out a warm breath, silently berating herself for not wearing something warmer.

A few seconds passed as she finally got her guitar ready. She gazed out into the crowd, the bar almost filled to capacity.

Behind her, a grunt sounded and she turned quickly. "Are you ready?" the manager asked impatiently as he leaned against a subwoofer.

She nodded silently, turning back to the crowd.

"Um," she breathed. A few heads turned her way, hearing a soft voice coming through the speakers. "You know when your day doesn't always go so well, so you try to find something that'll take your mind off of it?"

The crowd stayed silent, a few patrons nodding in response.

"Well, today was one of those days and I just wanted to say that I'm really excited to be here and play for you guys. I hope you'll enjoy this as much as I will. I have a – "

"I wanna live like muuuuuuuuusssssssssssiiiiiiiccccccc!"

_It's clear this conversation ain't doing a thing  
Cause these boys only listen to me when I sing_

Jude slightly faltered as she listened to the outburst, the intoxicated man yelling from the bar. It wasn't odd hearing her lyrics thrown back at her. She was used to it. But those lyrics were old. Covered in dust, thrown in a box and taped up, collecting cobwebs in the corner of her closet, back at her flat.

Why that song?

Why now?

But deep down, she knew.

She knew the date. Knew what it meant. Knew how far she'd come to be a better person. A better artist. A better Jude.

For all the people she left behind.

She bit her bottom lip, sucking in a short breath.

Was she ready? Ready to go there again?

With her heart beating fast, her palms beginning to sweat, she knew the answer.

She closed her eyes tightly, listening to her pulse race. She let out a low breath, trying to calm herself.

Yes.

She had had enough time.

She was ready.

She opened her eyes, a smile playing on her lips.

"I hear you loud and clear. We'll go back. This is Live Like Music. And I hope you like it."

She pushed herself off of the stool and stood up, making the stool move farther behind her.

Slowly she began to strum until she found the right chords; chords she hadn't used in a long time.

She began to sing, hearing a few patrons sing along with her.

It was hard to imagine that the same people, who listened to her now, knew her then. Or at least knew of her music from then.

"_I - I'm outta tune with who_ _I am_ / _Now - it's gotten way outta hand_ / _I spread too thin_ / _And it's hard enough to zero in_ / _On the heart of it_ / _The soul of it_ / _And now I know that_," she sang.

The crowd went into the chorus and a smile began to form on Jude's face as she watched in wonder at the patrons who were singing along.

"_I'm gonna take it back_ / _To the cafe bar_ / _Show you what I got_ / _With my guitar_ / _And I'm not gonna hold anything back_ / _Gonna strip it right down_ / _Put it on the four track_"

"_I wanna live like music_ / _I wanna live like music_ / _Pouring out the windows_ / _Rolling down the street_ / _Punching every station_ / _Singing dirty and sweet_ / _I wanna live like music_ / _Like music_ / _Like music_"

Those in the crowd that were sitting, jumped up to join those already standing as they hollered and clapped for her. It was unlike any other applause she had received since she had started at 93 Feet East.

It caused a rosy blush to creep onto her cheeks as she finished the song, letting the applause fill her ears to capacity. Though it felt new to her, it felt right. The fact that people loved the old Jude felt nice. Comfortable. It was everything she wanted.

So she finished her stint at 93 Feet East in style – old Jude style. And all the songs that she had planned on singing went out the door.

_And I don't feel like singing tonight  
All the same songs_

The guitar case scraped against the cream foyer wall and Jude cringed. That was most definitely going to leave a mark. Gently, she placed the case on the floor along with her purse and walked into her living room, rolling out her tense muscles in the process.

She had thought the night wasn't going to get any better, but it had. The music had helped. But it also made her think. And when she started to think – she got herself into trouble. Or at least she made some rash decisions that got her into trouble.

In the cab ride home, she had begun to think a lot about the old Jude. Who she was. What she loved. What she wanted.

London had given the new Jude everything she had ever wanted, but was it enough?

No. She would always strive for more. That's just how she was and new Jude couldn't change that.

A light breeze blew through the cracked open window in the living room causing Jude to shudder slightly. She wrapped her arms around her body and rubbed, trying to bring warmth to it. She walked towards the window, ready to close it, when the scene on the streets below made her stop.

The brightly lit street had patrons of all ages crowding it – most of them either making their way home or finishing up their late night out. But somewhere in the midst of the people walking by, a couple caught her attention.

Dark brown hair against bright blonde, fingers weaving in and out, faces pressed together.

Jude's chest clenched and it felt as if all the air in her body had been sucked out of it. Though she knew they were not the same people, she could play the exact same scene in her head – too many times to count.

She backed away from the window, her back running straight into her entertainment center, a few items falling to the ground, the noise of them crashing to the floor not far behind. But her mind was far from caring.

It wasn't that she hadn't saw a couple making out since she had arrived in London – it was that this couple reminded her too much of her past.

A past she had walked away from – to grow up, to change.

And in order to do just that, Jude had to give up something. She always knew that, so when she walked away from Toronto last year, she was confident there was no other choice. She wanted her music and if that meant leaving everything she had ever known behind – the places, the sounds, the faces – then that's what she was going to do.

But the faces were the hardest things to get over – her family, her friends. The ones that loved and supported her.

But there was always one that stuck out more than the rest.

Tommy Quincy.

Despite having spent a year in London, she hadn't found an effective way to forget him, replace him, or stop the memories of him from flooding back into her mind at the most inopportune time.

It wasn't that she wanted to forget him or replace him, but she felt it would be easier if she did. Because her last moments with him had been too painful to keep.

"_You wanna come to London with me and we can shack up together?"_

"_No…let's make it legit. I – I'm kinda unprepared and, um, I don't have a – a – a ring. If you would, um…Marry – "_

_Here in these deep city lights  
Girl could get lost tonight  
I'm finding every reason to be gone  
Nothing here to hold on to  
Could I hold you?_

The shrill ringing of a phone knocked Jude out of her reverie. It was a blessing of course. She knew the farther she would have gone, the harder it would have been to stop. And she would have spent the rest of her night and early morning drowning her sorrows in a pint of Phish Food by Ben and Jerry's.

"_The beep is coming. I hope you know what to do."_

_BEEP._

"_Jude, It's Cyn. Natasha wanted me to call and tell you that she lined up an audition for that new horror flick they are filming in Notting Hill – Death Star or something. The audition is on Tuesday at 2. Don't – "_ Message has been saved.

Jude cringed – a horror flick? Even though she had creative control over her music – the rest of her career was left up to Natasha Livingston – agent-extraordinaire. Normally she would have jumped on the idea, but this was pushing it.

Just the idea of a horror film reminded her of the time one of her songs was used in the soundtrack for one. Not one of her proudest moments. It was kind of embarrassing actually – to be used just for the exposure.

And now they were trying to do the same thing.

Who did they think they were – G-Major?

No. G-Major would have thought up all the right things to say to persuade her to do it.

And she would have listened to reason and gone through with it.

_The situation's always the same  
You got your wolves in their clothes whispering Hollywood's name  
Stealing gold from the silver they see  
But it's not me_

Plus, G-Major had a weapon that Bermanzie Records didn't – Tommy Quincy.

He could talk her into anything.

Like getting married.

Well, that was an almost. The idea hadn't been frightening, but when she realized that music was still first, she knew she couldn't put him second. And that meant she couldn't have him at all.

And that idea worked for awhile – until she realized though he physically wasn't present – she had never let him go.

_Here in these deep city lights  
Girl could get lost tonight  
I'm finding every reason to be gone  
There's nothing here to hold on to  
Could I hold you?_

Knowing she had to get her mind off of everything Toronto, Jude turned around. The window was blowing in more cold air and needed to be closed. The light from the lamps on the street below flashed over the shards of glass still lying on the floor from Jude's accident.

She bent down, picking up each frame that had fallen off her entertainment center, placing it on the coffee table next to her. With each frame, she carefully plucked the pieces of glass that protruded from it. In one frame, the picture had fallen out completely, revealing a second photo.

Jude tightly held the last frame in her right hand, the photo staring back at her. Her fingertips ran over the photo, the ridges of the numerous folds worn underneath her fingers.

She remembered using the frame to house a new photo of a recording session from a couple months prior, but the photo staring back at her was one from her past. A red-headed Jude leaning against a too-cool Tommy Quincy.

Her fingers were ready to pry the photo out of the frame when the door bell rang.

_Calling out somebody save me I feel like I'm fading away  
Am I gone?  
Calling out somebody save me I feel like I'm fading_

Jude didn't glance at the clock in the foyer as she walked towards the door – she was used to the late night visits that came with being in the industry.

Jude pulled back the door from its threshold, ready to sort out whatever business she was sure was on the other side of the heavy wood.

_In these deep city lights  
Girl could get lost tonight  
I'm finding every reason to be gone  
There's nothing here to hold on to  
Could I hold on to you? _

His hair stood out on all sides, just a bit longer than usual. His sharpened cheekbones wore a five'o'clock shadow well. The blue in his eyes sparkled underneath the shadows of her flat.

"Oh, sorry. I was looking for Bjork."

At the sound of his voice, a girlish blush warmed her skin, a smile playing on her lips. "Yeah, you missed her. She moved out nine months ago."

A brief smirk graced his face before his eyes darted to the floor and his posture slackened. He took a deep breath. "I should have called or something. I'm sorry for – "

She shrugged. "It's not a big deal. I'm still up," she said, pulling the door open farther. "Come in."

And just like that – it was as if they had never parted.

Tommy perched on the grey couch, confused as to what to make of the situation. He hadn't seen Jude in person since she left Toronto a year ago and yet, time hadn't made their first encounter awkward. At least not yet anyway.

Jude silently sat on the corner of the coffee table, more than a foot away from Tommy. He was Tommy, but time had passed and she knew she couldn't invade his personal space so suddenly.

"You're not here to yell at me, are you?" she asked, her hair creating a curtain between the pair as she gazed at the rug beneath the couch.

He shook his head, a shadow of a smile on his face. "No, I've passed the yelling stage – effective 15 minutes ago."

A hollow laugh exited Jude's lips. "Good because you know I would have yelled back."

"Oh, do I ever," he said. Tommy leaned back, his head resting on the top of the couch. "I didn't plan on coming here, just so you know."

"Then why are you here?"

He closed his eyes tightly. "Spied slipped me your address. I found it in one of my Sudoku books."

Her face lit up, her lips turned up into a giant smile. "You do Sudoku?"

He briefly opened his eyes and smiled at her. "I do a lot of things you don't know about."

The smile on her face faded. "Right. I forgot I haven't seen you in a year."

Tommy resumed leaning his head back and closed his eyes. "Yeah, that's really easy to forget."

"You know it's not," she said.

He silently shook his head.

She sighed audibly and her eyes darted back onto the rug underneath her feet when she realized he wasn't going to look at her anytime soon.

"I was supposed to go to my hotel, but I couldn't get the address out of my head, so when the driver came, I told him to take me here and…"

Jude eyed him through her hair, waiting for him to finish his explanation.

"I made friends with the concierge and once he found out who I was, he let me up."

"Richard's tips are so getting docked."

A hearty laugh escaped Tommy's lips, his mind creating the perfect image of Jude's scowl – the one he knew was painted on her face.

"I don't want you to think that I think about you all the time. I don't – I just…"

"Thanks, Tommy," she said sardonically.

"It's not like that, Jude," he said. She nodded her head silently. "It's just that when I found out I was coming to London, I immediately thought of you and that made me almost not want to come."

"Wow."

"Let me finish," he said, cracking open one eye. She raised both of her hands in surrender. "I knew that if I came I'd find some way to see you. It's just how I am. You know that."

She nodded. She understood because if it had been the other way around, she would have done the same thing.

"And I didn't want to make this awkward between us by having 'The Talk,' but I realize we have to if there is a chance."

Her eyes locked with his and she could feel her heart clench. "A chance for what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but I do know that I don't want another year to go by before we figure it out. It's not fair to either of us."

She nodded wordlessly, afraid of saying anything that would jeopardize Tommy from saying everything he wanted to. She wanted to hear it. She needed to.

"When you left, I understood. But that doesn't mean I accepted it. It took me a couple months to realize it, but I did and then I accepted it. The music helped obviously." A wide smile formed on his face. "I guess this is my long way of telling you that time has passed and I've changed."

Jude's eyebrows rose on their own accord and Tommy's smile widened even more. It's not like he hadn't hinted at that before so he understood the reluctance to believe him.

"I have." Jude nodded wordlessly. A few silent seconds passed as Jude processed all of her new found information when Tommy reached into his back pocket.

"I got a dog." Jude eyed him as he pulled his wallet out and opened it. He handed it to her.

Her eyes found a picture of a gorgeous Siberian Husky with bright blue eyes looking back up at her. "Her name is Layla."

"She's beautiful."

"Yeah," he said. "And I bought a house."

"Congratulations," she said, handing his wallet back to him.

"Thanks."

Jude bit her bottom lip. "So you've got roots and a dog."

Tommy nodded, staring at her. "What do you have?"

"What do I have?" she asked.

He nodded again.

"I have…um, my guitar." He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "And my music. What more could a girl want?" she said, a forced smile on her face.

"You have everything you want?"

Jude took a deep breath. This wasn't how she had expected her night to go, but she was going to embrace it for all it was worth. "London has everything I want…" she said, "_now_."

The smile on his face grew larger and Jude could feel her face begin to heat up. "I didn't come here to freak you out or anything. I just know that I want you in my life…somehow. If that's as an artist, a friend, a girlfriend…"

"A wife," she finished.

Another laugh exited his lips. "Yeah, because that worked so well the last time."

Jude smiled. Tommy slid over on the couch, his knees touching Jude's knees. Startled, Jude scooted away, but Tommy pulled her hands toward him, keeping her in place. "I'm not asking you to make a decision right now, Jude. I just know that I want you in my life. I'm not asking you to move back and give up London," he said, his eyes locking with hers. "I'm not asking you to marry me…again. Or move in with me. Or give up your music. I don't care if we do this long distance and I make the trek out here every month. I don't care. I just want – "

She pulled her hands out of his and reached for his face, her lips crashing to his. He tasted just like she had remembered – there was even a hint of licorice. His hands reached for her hair and she pulled away, a smile gracing her face.

"Care to tell me what that was for?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "Not that I'm complaining."

"This new Tommy talks too much," she said. "Before I couldn't get you to say anything and now you don't stop." Tommy smiled. "If I didn't know better, I'd have sworn you turned into me."

A loud bark of a laugh exited his lips. "Right, just with better hair."

"Hey," she said, her arm extended, ready to push him for his comment. He pulled her arm towards him, her knees touching his again. He pressed his forehead against her and smiled.

"I'm serious, Jude. I don't – "

"I get it, Tommy." He smiled. "No matter what I do, you're always going to be there."

The smile on his face grew larger. "Damn straight, girl." He pulled her onto the couch, their bodies resting side by side.

Jude placed her head on his shoulder, their arms around each other.

Jude sighed contently. "I like being able to hold on to you."

"You never have to let go."

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**A/N**: I promised song info, so here it is – **"City" by Sara Bareilles**. :]


End file.
